Sometimes Old, Learned Sex-Negative Attitudes Can Ruin Your Sex Life: Here is a technique for overcoming them.
Posted on October 10, 2016 by Aline Zoldbrod
I have spent my professional life trying to get my patients to loosen up, sexually.
One of the easiest ways to have erotic fun as a couple is to have the biggest possible repertoire of pleasurable sexual activities. That way, if one or the other person has a sexual quirk or a "sexual dysfunction" that makes whatever you think of as "normal sex" not be so easy to achieve, you've got a whole menu of other fun and delicious sexual activities to consider.
But so many people have inner voices, from their parents, or from their religious background, or their culture, that tell them that ordinary " Sex IS DIRTY!!"-- let alone that playful, kinky, quirky sex is allowable.
Here is a technique from my book Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On (New Harbinger, 2002, p.39) that can help you get over your inhibitions.
Let's just say that you recognize in yourself that you are a sexually shy person. But perhaps you have a friend who is much more comfortable with her sexuality. You can use that person as your own, personal "disinhibition coach."
When I suggest that you find your own disinhibition coach, I'm not asking you to post a personal sexual trainer at the foot of your bed. Imagine, instead, how this free and encouraging soul that you know personally, (or maybe someone you have seen on the screen, or read about), would feel about your inhibitions, and what they might say to you to get you to charge through them.
I would like you to think of these people as sexual resources for you, as you change and grow.
It's fine to have more than one disinhibition coach. You may have one who aids you in expressing yourself in the world or more fully in your relationships, and another who encourages you to try that new position on the bathroom floor, or to tell your partner just what you want them to do with that jar of honey.
Who are they? Make a list.
Then, make a list of some of the things they might say about your sex life right now.
Let these disinhibition coaches inspire you and cheer you on.
Maybe even keep a journal of what you did that was fun. Sometimes old behaviors and beliefs are hard to change. So keep a journal to remind yourself of some of the things that you have learned.