Hey: If You Love Your Partner, Why Aren't You Kissing More?
Kissing IS WAY more important in your relationship than you think it is, folks. Unless things are really bad between the two of you, more affection and kissing is a good way to increase intimacy, happiness, loving feelings, and life enhancing hormones. The brilliant anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D. says that romantic love has three components, romance, attachment, and sexual arousal. Remarkably, kissing is the magic ingredient. It activates all three of these components.
A Scientific American magazine article notes that each kiss triggers a cascade of brain signals and chemicals that transmit tactile sensations, euphoric feelings, and feelings of closeness. If you look at a diagram of the human body called the Homunculus, which shows which parts of the body are the most endowed with nerve endings, you’ll see that the face and the lips are larger than most other parts of the body, except for the genitals and the hands.
The lips are full of sensory neurons. When we kiss, these neurons shoot messages to the brain and the body, carrying both sensations and intense emotions that trigger further physical reactions. Unbelievably, almost half of the cranial nerves are sparked, sending a cocktail of brain chemicals that control your level of stress (GABA), motivation (dopamine), bonding (acetylcholine) and stimulation (serotonin).
If things have cooled in your relationship, I would not advise just jumping in and pouncing on your partner and locking lips. I might say something like, “hey, I’ve been reading about kissing, and I’ve been thinking I miss kissing you, and I would like to do it more. What do you think?” If your partner says yes, I promise you, your relationship will get a very wonderful boost.
Recently I was featured on datingadvice.com - click here to read more!
Here's a snippet of what they said about me: "Throughout her career, Aline has had a positive impact on many people’s lives. She has seen couples reconnect with one another in her office. She has seen individuals overcome their limiting beliefs and embrace their sexuality. Dr. Zoldbrod is particularly keen to help women learn to enjoy having sex. “I firmly believe that each woman can learn to accept and appreciate the pleasures of her own sexuality, no matter what her age or her prior history,” she said. “This is one of my passions as a sex therapist.”
What Therapists Want Us To Know About Aziz Ansari, ‘Bad Sex’ And #MeToo
In a recent article I was quoted as saying "It’s like women have toxic empathy for the male sex drive and sexual wishes" and “Prioritizing male pleasure is a problem even in established relationships,” Zoldbrod told HuffPost. “I’ve described it as ‘the tyranny of the erect penis’: It’s hard for women to say ‘no’ to a man with an erection, even in relationships. Men need to learn to pleasure women first, but women have such difficulty in refusing their partners.”
A Longtime Sex Therapist's Lessons From The Aziz Ansari Date Tell-All
By Dr. Aline Zoldbrod
I've been a sex therapist for decades, and I’ve listened to many, many young men and women describe their sexual and dating lives. So as excruciating as the situation around the story about Aziz Ansari's date behavior may be, I'm hoping some good can come of the pain, the sadness, the confusion and the public shaming.
The story and its aftermath highlight the need for more open discussion and self-reflection on the nuts and bolts of today’s sexual scene. We need more mindful dating.
To read more about Dr. Zoldbrod's recommendations for making good dating choices, click here!
Women: Finally Learn to Orgasm
Times are a changin’ for women’s sexuality. There is much more openness about sex, with increasing permission for women to seek their own pleasure. Yet I frequently have women patients who come to me because they cannot have an orgasm, alone or with a partner. They are relieved to find that their problem can be solved. But I want you to know, as a sex therapist, that there is no pill I can give you to teach you to orgasm. Often it takes concentration, practice, reading, experimentation, getting over past attitudes, and learning to ask for what you want. So to get over anorgasmia, (which we now call “pre-orgasmia”), you have to explicitly give yourself permission to become a more sexual person. For a lot of women, that’s a tall order in and of itself.